Take the entire issue straight to eBay. I've dealt with eBay sellers who claim legitimacy..and others who truly are legitimate. Her (or his) threatening you is an inappropriate action on the part of the seller, and a No No on eBay itself for any seller. If you have proof of your attempt to purchase and your refund to back it up (including your communications), you can directly call eBay customer service and talk with them. PayPal dispute resolution should directly help you with this as well by speaking with them directly.
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