Customers detest having to make calls to megalithic online companies for obvious reasons. So what are the PayPal options?

‘Chat with us'... only it's a virtual assistant: "Sorry, I'm not trained to solve your problem right now, but I'm learning new things every day. Come back soon!" If the customer wishes to converse with a congenital idiot he would chat to someone with an IQ of two and a half, which is greater than the IQ of a virtual assistant.

'Email us'... only the replies are automated. The customer writes a clear and precise account of the issues faced and is insulted by an automated response. If he replies though Messages (“Get customised help for your account and access your message centre.”) he gets another slap in the face with a slightly different-worded response, automated of course.

And to cap it all when things get serious following ‘unauthorised access’ he’s given a phone number – a PREMIUM number which he is unable to use, as 087 numbers aren’t included in his network plan.

Perversely, Facebook and Twitter are the only places in PayPal land where one can actually converse with a human being without picking up the phone. So if an automated PayPal employee who’s learning new things every day discovers an avalanche of Facebook/Twitter posts with emotions that border on murderous rage, it should understand the reasons why, even with an IQ of two.